Beartooth’s Caleb Shomo Recounts the “Really Difficult” Moment He Came Out as Gay to His Wife of 14 Years
Photo Credit: Caleb Shomo / Instagram
Beartooth singer Caleb Shomo has shared new details about the moment he came out as gay to his wife, Fleur, describing the conversation as “really, really difficult” and emotionally overwhelming after more than a decade of marriage. The metalcore frontman, 33, spoke about that night and its aftermath on the June 10 episode of the Disrespectfully podcast hosted by Vanderpump Rules personalities Katie Maloney and Dayna Kathan, offering one of his most candid accounts yet of how he disclosed his sexuality within his marriage.
Inside the “really difficult” conversation with Fleur
On the podcast, Shomo emphasized that he “didn’t verbalize it very well” when he first attempted to tell Fleur about his sexuality, noting that he often finds it hard to articulate intense emotions even in less fraught circumstances. He described himself as “bawling my f---ing eyes out, trying so hard to verbalize” what he was feeling, and said the moment was charged with nervousness and fear because of what it could mean for both of their lives.
Shomo said that once he began to acknowledge that his feelings toward men mirrored the way he had been taught to think about attraction to women, “the f---ing hinges got ripped out,” suggesting that the conversation triggered a cascade of personal reckoning and relationship change. He also shared that coming out in his private life led him “immediately” into therapy, where he began addressing both his sexuality and what he described as “severe ADHD,” alongside broader issues of self-esteem and mental health.
From internal struggle to public statement
Shomo’s description of his personal conversation with Fleur follows his public coming‑out on May 23, when he posted a lengthy statement on Instagram declaring, “I am a proudly gay man” after what he called months of speculation about his personal life. In that statement, Shomo wrote that coming to terms with his sexuality was something he had been “unpacking and reckoning with” for quite some time, and that it had been “difficult to navigate the feelings surrounding the subject and figure out what to do with this fact.”
He also acknowledged that for around a decade he attempted to cope with his internal conflict by using alcohol, describing a cycle in which substances dulled the discomfort of hiding his identity but also delayed his ability to fully confront it. He said that giving up alcohol and pursuing sobriety played a direct role in helping him reconcile with his sexuality and move toward what he hopes will become genuine self‑love.
In the Instagram statement, Shomo thanked Beartooth fans and others who have supported him and encouraged anyone “struggling with who they are” to “give yourself grace” and “do the hard work instead of burying it,” framing his coming‑out as both personal testimony and a message to others navigating similar questions about identity.
A 14‑year marriage and a painful split
Shortly after his public announcement, Fleur Shomo shared her own lengthy, emotional statement on Instagram, describing the experience of supporting her husband through his journey while also grieving the end of their marriage. The couple, who married in 2012 and had been together for nearly 14 years, do not have children together, according to multiple reports.
In her post, Fleur wrote that she was the only person dealing with “the duality of this situation,” saying that “to support him whilst losing everything has been incredibly hard to figure out.” She reflected tenderly on their relationship, calling their marriage “wonderful and full of so much fun, adventure, and love,” and concluding, “Our story was a good one. And now it is done,” signaling both her support for Shomo and her acknowledgment that the romantic chapter of their lives together had ended.
Media coverage has highlighted how Fleur’s statement centers both compassion for Shomo’s well‑being and honest grief over the loss of their marriage, underscoring the emotional complexity that spouses can experience when a partner comes out later in life. Her response has drawn attention in fan communities and on social platforms, where many users have discussed the importance of recognizing both partners’ experiences in situations like this.
Mental health, therapy, and the road to self‑acceptance
On Disrespectfully, Shomo said that starting therapy immediately after coming out to Fleur marked a turning point in his mental health journey and his relationship with his sexuality. He noted that treatment has helped him address what he described as “severe ADHD,” alongside longstanding patterns of self‑criticism and self‑hatred that had shaped his inner life for years.
Shomo told the podcast hosts that tools such as therapy, exercise, eating well, getting sunshine, maintaining good sleep, and being creative have all supported him as he works toward accepting himself as a gay man. He said his “ultimate goal” is to learn to love himself and to help others do the same, while acknowledging that he has “a long f---ing road” ahead and still needs to “forgive” himself for past decisions and the pain that change has caused.
These remarks align with themes Shomo has previously discussed around Beartooth’s catalog, which he has often framed as an outlet for his struggles with depression, anxiety, and identity, even before he publicly named his sexuality. Coverage of his Instagram post and subsequent interviews has emphasized how sobriety and mental health treatment allowed him to interrogate long‑standing patterns and move toward living more openly as a gay man.
Impact on fans and the rock community
Shomo’s coming‑out and his description of that “really difficult” moment with Fleur have prompted wide discussion in rock and metal communities, where fans have shared their reactions across platforms including Reddit and Instagram. Many supporters have pointed to his openness about sexuality, addiction, and mental health as an example of how prominent musicians can help reduce stigma for LGBTQ+ people and others navigating similar issues, while also recognizing that his story includes real loss for both him and Fleur.
Reporting has also noted that Shomo’s announcement comes at a time when Beartooth continues to enjoy a significant profile in alternative metal, with their sixth studio album, titled Pure Ecstasy, scheduled for release in August 2026. While Shomo has indicated that his future music will reflect this new chapter and his commitment to expressing himself more honestly, detailed comments on specific songs or lyrics have not yet been widely published.
In combining his intimate account of coming out to his wife with broader reflections on authenticity, mental health, and recovery, Shomo has offered a rare, detailed look at how a long‑term heterosexual marriage can intersect with a later‑life acknowledgment of being gay. His story continues to unfold in public view, but his recent comments suggest that he is focused on healing, living openly as a gay man, and hoping that his visibility can support others facing their own “really difficult” conversations.
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